Statusstalker.com-funnies #2. XD

I can no longer "drop it like it's hot", so I "squat like it's warm".

I didn't do it! Unless I was supposed to do it. Then of course I did it!

I think Caller ID needs to be more specific and say things like "Won't stop calling until you answer" or "Some guy you gave your number to while drunk."

we all know "watch a movie" means "I wanna be in the dark with you"

Got pulled over after making a wrong turn at a donut shop... The cop walked up to the window and said, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Without hesitation I responded; "(pointing to the box) Cause you can smell it?"

If you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation...Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.

Even though I don't have any, I know I'd be great at raising kids because when I was little I had like 5 Tamagotchis at once.

The reason why I don't speak to you anymore is because I keep telling myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would.

You've just gotta love that awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one's listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.

May your crotch be infested by the crabs of a thousand hookers and your arms too short to reach and scratch.

When a spambot tells you to click a link to take an IQ test, that IS the IQ test.

How busy can you actually be if you just took the time to change your online status to say so.

If you are ever wondering who is rapping in a song, just wait 4 more seconds and he'll say his name.

"Let's save this so we can throw it away in few days" - Tupperware

I wish facebook had an "I don't give a shit" button.....